We talk a lot about FOMO — Fear of Missing Out. It describes the feeling that something interesting is happening somewhere and we are not part of it. But recently, I came across another term that made me pause and think from an HR perspective: FOBI — Fear of Being Included. The term is associated with discomfort around unwanted inclusion, particularly when people feel that their autonomy is being taken away. It is important to note that FOBI is a relatively new research construct and should not be confused with introversion or social anxiety.

Is Employee Engagement Always About Participation?

As an HR professional, I started thinking about the many situations we see in workplaces. An employee may not want to attend a team outing, someone may prefer to skip an office celebration, another employee may not feel comfortable participating in a group game, or someone may simply ask, “Can I skip this?” Sometimes, we immediately interpret such behaviour as poor employee engagement or a lack of interest in the organization. But perhaps we should pause and ask a more important question: Are we actually creating engagement, or are we sometimes forcing people to participate?

This is an important distinction for modern HR management. Employee engagement should not simply mean getting everyone into the same room or ensuring that every employee participates in every activity. True engagement is about creating an environment where people feel connected, respected and valued. Participation can be one indicator, but it should not become the only definition of engagement.

Inclusion and Forced Participation Are Not the Same

Many organizations celebrate when 100 percent of employees attend an engagement activity. Attendance is certainly easy to measure, but attendance does not necessarily mean engagement. An employee can attend a team outing and mentally disconnect from the experience. Someone may participate in a game because their manager is standing nearby, while another employee may smile for the group photograph but feel uncomfortable throughout the event. From an HR dashboard, this may look like successful participation, but from the employee’s perspective, the experience may be completely different.

This is why organizations need to think beyond attendance when designing employee engagement strategies. Instead of asking only how many employees participated, HR professionals should also consider whether employees enjoyed the experience, felt comfortable, felt valued, developed meaningful connections and would voluntarily participate again. The more important question is not simply “How many attended?”, but “What did people actually experience?”

Maybe the Employee Doesn’t Hate the Team

Not every employee connects with colleagues in the same way. One person may love parties and team games, while another may prefer a quiet conversation over coffee. Someone may enjoy public recognition, while another may appreciate a private message from their manager. One employee may enjoy volunteering, while another may prefer contributing through a small-group activity or professional learning opportunity.

Yet many workplace engagement programs are designed as if everyone enjoys the same type of interaction. They don’t. A strong workplace culture recognizes that employees have different personalities, preferences and ways of connecting. The objective should not be to make every employee love every activity. Instead, organizations should create multiple opportunities through which employees can find meaningful ways to connect.

Give Employees a Choice

One of the simplest changes HR teams can make is to introduce more choice into employee engagement activities. Instead of saying, “Everyone must participate in the team activity,” an organization could communicate, “We have planned a few activities. Choose the one you are most comfortable participating in.” Instead of making every employee attend an outing, the organization can communicate that employees are welcome and encouraged to participate while also respecting individual preferences and circumstances.

Providing choice does not necessarily weaken employee engagement. In fact, it can strengthen trust because employees understand that participation is a choice rather than a command. When people feel that they have some control over how they participate, the experience can become more authentic and meaningful.

Not Every Engagement Activity Needs to Be Compulsory

There are certainly situations where attendance needs to be mandatory. Compliance programs, critical organizational meetings and important business communications may require everyone to participate. But should the same approach apply to every team game, dance activity, team lunch or group photograph?

When every employee engagement activity becomes compulsory, even well-intentioned initiatives can start feeling like obligations. HR teams should therefore distinguish between activities that are genuinely necessary and activities designed primarily for connection, recreation and engagement. The purpose of an engagement program should be to encourage connection, not to create another source of pressure for employees.

Create Different Ways for People to Connect

Perhaps the answer is not fewer employee engagement activities, but more variety. Organizations can create opportunities for employees to connect through learning, volunteering, informal conversations, recognition programs, creative activities, sports, community initiatives, small-group interactions, one-to-one conversations and reflective activities. Different employees may choose different forms of participation, and that is perfectly acceptable.

A successful employee engagement strategy does not require everyone to participate in everything. Instead, it creates enough opportunities for employees to find something that feels meaningful to them. When organizations provide variety and flexibility, they can create a more inclusive employee experience without forcing everyone into the same model of participation.

Don’t Confuse Social Participation With Being a Team Player

This is an area where HR professionals need to be particularly careful. An employee who does not participate in social activities can sometimes be labelled as “not a team player,” “not interested,” “too reserved” or someone who “doesn’t mingle.” But social participation and workplace collaboration are not the same thing.

What if that employee is the person who consistently supports colleagues when they need help? What if they collaborate effectively on projects, contribute ideas and perform their responsibilities extremely well, but simply don’t enjoy social events? We need to separate workplace collaboration from social participation. Someone can be an excellent team player without being the first person to volunteer for every office game or outing.

Ask Before You Assume

The language used by HR professionals and managers can make a significant difference. Instead of asking an employee, “Why don’t you participate?”, we could ask, “What kind of engagement activities do you enjoy?” Instead of asking, “Why didn’t you join the outing?”, we could ask, “Is there something we could do differently next time?” And instead of asking, “Why are you always quiet during these events?”, we could ask, “Is there a way you’d prefer to contribute?”

The difference between these questions may appear small, but the mindset behind them is very different. One approach can make an employee feel judged, while the other opens the door for a meaningful conversation. Good HR leadership and employee experience management require us to understand people before making assumptions about their behaviour.

The Bigger Responsibility of HR

Employee engagement is not about keeping employees busy, maintaining a colourful engagement calendar or posting photographs from every organizational event on LinkedIn. At its core, employee engagement is about creating a workplace where people can genuinely feel that they belong, they are respected and their contribution matters.

There is another dimension that is sometimes overlooked: autonomy. Employees also need to feel that they have some choice in how they participate. Belonging without autonomy can feel restrictive, while autonomy without belonging can feel isolating. A healthy workplace culture needs both — belonging and choice.

Encourage, But Don’t Pressure

This does not mean HR should stop encouraging employees to participate. People sometimes need encouragement to step outside their comfort zones, meet new colleagues and experience activities they might not otherwise try. The important distinction is between encouragement and pressure.

A good HR professional needs to understand when to encourage and when to step back. Instead of asking, “How do I make everyone participate?”, perhaps the better question is, “How do I create an environment where people want to participate?” That shift changes the entire approach to employee engagement, workplace inclusion and organizational culture.

And Finally…

The next time an employee doesn’t join an employee engagement activity, don’t immediately label them as disengaged. Pause and look beyond the attendance sheet. Maybe they don’t need another activity. Maybe they need more choice. Maybe they don’t dislike the organization. Maybe they simply don’t enjoy being included on someone else’s terms.

Perhaps the future of employee engagement is not about pulling everyone into the same circle. It is about creating a circle that people want to step into, while still allowing them to participate in a way that feels authentic to them. That is what meaningful inclusion can look like — not forced participation, not attendance for the sake of numbers, and not photographs for social media, but real belonging with real choice.